Last week I had my annual physical to make sure that nothing was wrong. So I had all these tests done, blood, electrocardiogram, chest X-ray, the one where they hit your knee with the rubber mallet and you're supposed to kick something.

When I left the office, my doctor said "not to worry" and that his secretary, Karen, would call me to confirm that everything was okay. HOWEVER, if HE called then it was sorta bad news.

So, I get home on Friday night. There's a message at 9:45... from my doctor, telling me "Not to worry" but "I should call him on Monday."

On Monday! That's three days away

For the first time in my life, a weekend was too long. Every time I sneezed, I thought swine flu. Each blink, retinal detachment. And when I felt thirsty, it was definitely diabetes.

Mosquito bite. Malaria. Headache. Legionnaire's disease.

Ear ache. Legionairre's disease in the ear. Hey, I'm not a doctor I even canceled a sushi dinner because I was afraid that would elevate my mercury levels into the toxic range.

By Monday morning I was suffering from exhaustion. I called the doctor. Turns out I'm borderline anemic.

Forget anemia, I had euphoria! I was going to live! What a great way to start the day, the week, the rest of my life!

Then I coughed and was pretty sure I had emphysema and that the doctor just missed that.