I don't understand people who brag about their lack of sleep. "I didn't get in until 4:30 and had to be up at 6:15!" No wonder you're 29 and look 50! Am I supposed to envy your lack of sleep? I mean, you wouldn't brag about how little money you have in the bank or how ugly your spouse is. "She has so much adult acne, it forms a goatee around her mouth! Yay!"

Sleep is the most under-rated thing in the world. I mean, I'm a mess if I don't get my 15 hours each night. There should be pride in sleep. There should be a National Sleep-Off--whoever's unconscious the longest wins a golden pillow or something. There should be gift certificates for sleep - which would instantly jump to the top of my Amazon wish list. There should be nap breaks for everyone from 2:30-3:15! No! From 2:35-3:20!!

Studies have shown that getting 7-9 hours a night may reduce body inflammation, lower anxiety, make you more alert, and improve your memory.

On the other hand, lack of sleep increases the risk of obesity, diabetes, depression and cardiovascular disease. It also increases the chance of being really, really tired.

So put down the coffee and energy drinks and replace them with blankets and pillows and pajamas with feet and dreams where everyone is made of marshmallows and you're the king of the penguins.

And if you ever find yourself telling another human how little you've slept, you might want to consider bragging about how small your hands are.