Stay at Home When You're Sick, Or at Least Away From Me
The other day a friend of mine came over. We hung out watching some football, shared some Chinese food - and then, as he's saying goodbye--after we just spent FOUR HOURS TOGETHER, he tells me how sick he's been.
He'd just started antibiotics, had his ears drained, and his thermos was filled with cough-syrup.
Hold on a second. You just touched every doorknob, armrest and knick-knack in my house, your saliva-coated fork repeatedly grazed the same area of the Moo Goo Gai Pan as my spoon and NOW you're telling me you're sick?
That info needs to be up top with "Hi, what's up? Hey, I'm allowed to park on that side of the street, right?" Not some "oh-by-the-way" conversation that happens as you're headed home.
Look, I know I'm eventually gonna get sick. I'd just much rather it happen the old-fashioned way. Randomly.
From clutching the wrong subway pole, or a grimy-handed cashier giving me back a diseased $20.
NOT from a friend withholding his health record.
Cause you're not being a hero or warrior by keeping our social engagement. Call in sick! I'm sure you've called in sick to work. And when you have, isn't it always at the BEGINNING OF THE DAY, not when everyone's leaving?."
A quarter to five do you go up to your boss and say, "Hey, by the way--had 103 with bronchitis the whole day. That's why I wasn't as talkative as usual during that six-hour conference with all the people sitting really close to me. Oh, and p.s., you'll have swollen glands when you wake up.
I don't want to have to slip a questionnaire under my front door for my friends to fill out before I see them, but any more health subterfuge and I'm printin' 'em up. It's better than getting sick and knowing the assailant.
This entry last modified on: February 11, 2013 3:55 PM
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About the Video
The original “hyper-chondriac,” comedian Brian Frazer complains that some friends are much too generous with their germs.