Fun \ Funny Bones

Foods that Fit Your Mood

"This morning I'm walking my dog and I see this woman sitting on a bench checking her BlackBerry as she's gulping down an energy drink and eating a Powerbar.

I wondered why she needed an energy drink and a Powerbar to check her e-mail?

Nobody needs that much energy, and if you do, it's time to think about a little thing called ""MORE SLEEP!""

Now, none of this really hit me until I found out about Ayurveda -which has been around in India for 5,000 years.

When I read about this Ayurveda stuff in an old magazine in a doctor's office and I was skeptical to say the least.

But curiosity got the best of me. So I went to an Ayurvedic specialist and this guy took my pulse for ten minutes on each arm and, solely based on that, told me that I was eating all the wrong foods.

How could I be eating the wrong foods?

I weighed exactly what I wanted to weigh.

He said it had nothing to do with my appearance. I was eating the wrong foods for my energy type.

So he gave me a list of things I should start eating - and if it wasn't on the list, I wasn't supposed to have it.

Kiwis, yes. Bananas, no. Shrimp, yes. Sushi, no. Coconut, yes. Pineapples, no.

It seemed a little random, but I decided to give it a trial run to see if this was legit or if I was just being Punk'd.

So for breakfast I'd mash up raspberries and mangos into a paste and wash them down with some aloe vera juice.

For lunch I'd make mung bean soup and for dinner I'd have slices of turkey wrapped around artichoke.And for a snack, I'd take a hammer and smash up coconuts in my driveway. And I started to feel a whole lot less tense.

When I sent my wife to Ayurveda-land, she came home with a completely different diet.

She's more like the Powerbar Blackberry lady on the bench and needs more energy. So she was encouraged to have spicy foods--which I was forbidden.

She was also told to have papayas but no oranges, whereas I was told to have oranges but no papayas.

I could have avocados, but she was told they'd make her drousy. And butternut squash and okra were high on my list, and don'ts on hers.

The only thing we were both allowed was asparagus.

Which meant when we went out to dinner there was very little sharing.

As crazy as all this sounds, without question my new diet really mellows me out.

And I don't have to be vigilant about it for every serving of every meal. A little bit goes a long way.

Like if I'm out to dinner, just knowing that I should order string beans instead of carrots insures a tranquil evening.

Although, my wife insists it's not the actual food that's calming me down, it's all the coconut smashing in the driveway."

This entry last modified on: February 11, 2013 3:51 PM

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About the Video

The original “hyper-chondriac,” author and humorist Brian Frazer shows you why your diet may not be agreeing with your energy type.


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